A blond girl enters a store that sells curtains.
She tells the salesman: "I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen".
The surprised saleman replies: "But, madam, computers do not have curtains"!!!
The blonde said: "Hellooooo .... I've got Windows"!!!!!!!
Adam may have had his troubles, but at least he didn't have to listen to Eve talking about the man she could have married.
A travelling salesman was about to check in at a hotel when he noticed a very charming bit of feminity giving him the so-called "glad-eye".
In a causual manner he walked over and spoke to her as though he had known her all his life. Both walked back to the desk and registered as Mr. and Mrs.
After a three-day stay he walked up to the desk and informed the clerk that he was checking out. The clerk presented him with his bill for $ 1600.
"There is a mistake here," he protested. "I have been here only three days."
"Yes," replied the clerk, "but your wife has been here a month."
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?"
"Because every time I talk to a beatuful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."
In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a sceaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, "Don't get excited, Albert; don't scream Albert; don't yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert."
A woman standing next to him said, "You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son Albert."
The man looked at her and said, "Lady, I'm Albert."
A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown. Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked trough the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"
"And what was the culmination of events that led you to file this action?" asked the man's attorney in the divorce hearing.
"All through our marriage my wife was less than fully responsive to my sexual initiatives," replied the husband, "but the clincher came one morning at the breakfast table."
"Why? What happened?"
"She announced, 'Just so you don't get your hopes up, I'm already beginning to get a headache.' "
Her teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new checking account. "The bank returned the check you wrote to the sporting goods store," she said.
"Oh good," he said, "Now I can use it to buy some stereo equipment!"
Charly was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little boy asked whether he could fly like Superman.
"Sure you can Mickey" Charlie said, "Just flap your arms really *really* hard."
So Mickey climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground six stories below.
Horrified, their mother came screaming into the room and said, "What the hell happened?!?"
Charlie said, "I was just teaching Mickey not to believe everything someone tells him."
"I am ashamed of you," the mother said. "fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do." "He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at him."
"When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me."
"What good would that have done?"
"My aim is much better than yours."
I was on a flight once that was delayed at the gate, after everyone
boarded. The flight attendant said over the intercom,
We are sorry for the delay. The machine that
normaly rips the handle off your luggage is broken, so we're having to
do it by hand. We should be finished and on our way shortly.